PMMJ: A blunt admission
by ant0nym
Summary: What's a girl supposed to do after a difficult week of witch-slaying when the entire world seems to be against her? I dunno, but here's what they did. (Not recommended) Rated T: for references to drugs, alcohol, and suggestive themes. AU. Credit: inspired by the CaptainFirePower story Puella Magi Pot Circle. Check it out if you haven't.
1. Chapter 1

**PMMJ**

_Chapter 1: A blunt admission._

* * *

**Credit: inspired by the CaptainFirePower story Puella Magi Pot Circle. Check it out.**

* * *

"Ugh, why is _she _invited?" Kyoko whined. _It was like Mami is trying to sabotage the night!_

The blonde looked at her reproachfully. "Kyoko, this is my place. My party. All of my friends are invited." Pausing, the full-figured girl cracked a grin at the increasingly sour look on the redhead's face. "_And_ her."

Kyoko's frown froze. Then, hesitantly, she asked "So, she's not your friend?"

"Well, I suppose we've been… cordial. But friends…?" Mami let the question hang in the air. "She doesn't seem the type to even want friends. Except, of course-"

"She's still got a thing for that little pinkette, huh?" Kyoko smirked, feeling herself begin to warm up as, tangentially, the subject of the pinkette's blue-haired friend was broached within her thoughts.

"Utterly smitten," the blonde confirmed. Kyoko snorted in disdain, even as her thoughts turned to a certain blunette that was bound to be arriving shortly... "Still, tonight, she is the guest of honor." Unzipping her hoodie, Kyoko thought about _her _guest of honor. Well, one of the two. Maintaining her smirk, she patted a pocket surreptitiously.

Mami caught the motion. "Kyoko, did you bring…" Stopping, she sighed. _Maybe this was a mistake_…

"My one true love," the redhead confirmed. A moment later, she was holding something under the taller girl's nose, 'accidentally' brushing up against her chest with an arm.

"Whew!" Mami stepped back from the pungent smell, her mouth starting to water as she gave Kyoko a dirty look. "None of that, Kyoko."

"Chill the fuck out, Mami. It's your own stupid fault for having such a huge rack." Mami stared blankly at the redhead. "The more… space you take up, the more… uh, stuff is going to accidentally connect…"

Rolling her eyes since her friend was looking away and wouldn't notice, Mami once again started to lay down the ground rules. They hadn't seen each other in a long time, and Kyoko had a tendency to, well, push boundaries. Or, more accurately, ignore them completely.

* * *

_Ring ding ding._ The soft chimes of the doorbell played throughout the apartment. Hurrying out of the bedroom, a figure ran to the door, throwing it wide.

"Welcome, ~ladies~!"

A small teenage girl with pink eyes blinked uncertainly. Another young woman, taller and fitter, stood at her side, mouth working in surprise. "What are _you _doing here?" Her mouth hung open in dismay at this sudden turn of events.

Kyoko smirked. "I'm Mami's friend." She leaned forward, puffing out a breath right in Sayaka's still open mouth. The blunette gasped, feeling like she'd been violated.

"Yuck, don't breathe on me!" Kyoko's smirk widened. Sayaka turned to Madoka, who was watching the exchange warily, praying there wouldn't be bloodshed. "I thought this was just supposed to be us-"

Kyoko rolled her eyes.

"Well, she called it a 'girl's night,'" Madoka clarified, looking at the wild-haired veteran in the doorway. "And Kyoko-chan is a girl…"

"_Is_ she?" Sayaka wondered disparagingly, delighted at how the redhead's eyes narrowed in annoyance.

"You _wish _I wasn't a girl," Kyoko purred, sidling up to the blunette and thrusting her hips at her obnoxiously. Madoka's face immediately flushed a deep, burning crimson. Sayaka fared little better under the sudden assault.

"Uhg, get off me! I so _don't _wish you were a boy," the blunette said darkly, inwardly shuddering at the very thought.

Kyoko stepped back approximately two centimeters, giving Sayaka a strange look. "So, you're glad I'm a girl then?"

Confused blue eyes shifted between the redhead on one side and the pinkette on the other. "Um... what?"

"If you don't wish I was a boy, that must mean you're glad I'm a _girl_. Like _you_." Something about the look in the other girl's eyes was freaking Sayaka out, and she stepped back nervously, sending Madoka stumbling into the doorway. Kyoko chuckled evilly.

The pinkette, suddenly dry-mouthed and uncomfortable, continued her way through the threshold, desperately looking for reinforcements. She glanced back, seeing Sayaka's expression of frozen horror while the redhead leaned in close over her shoulder, whispering something in her ear. Madoka's nose wrinkled, smelling something unpleasantly reminiscent of a skunk. Then she saw her savior.

"Mami-san!" Madoka cried, pointing to the doorway. "I don't know what's happening, but-"

Mami strode out of the bedroom, wearing a well-fitted white blouse with an exaggeratedly pointy collar and a skirt that _almost _made it halfway to her knees. She took in the situation at a glance. "Madoka-chan, Sayaka-chan, I'm so happy you could come." She tried to motion to Kyoko, but the redhead didn't catch it. "Who wants some cake?"

That, of course, worked.

* * *

"What?" Kyoko wailed. "You're telling me, _the cake was a lie_?!"

"No," Mami stated shortly, feeling embarrassed by her miscalculation. After all, it wasn't really _her_ fault that an ungrateful house guest had eaten the entire cake she'd made yesterday for this very occasion. Still, though, she'd offered something she couldn't deliver. "How about some of this pie instead?"

"It's not the same," Kyoko muttered grumpily, holding out for ice cream. She knew her old friend well, and played the blonde like a harp until she was sitting at the counter with two slices and three scoops.

Only Kyoko had taken Mami up on her offer; the others decided to wait for the final guest to arrive, as politeness demanded. Sayaka felt a burst of righteous pride, but watching Kyoko shovel the pie into her mouth was making her hungry. She hadn't eaten since lunch. _If only that stupid idiot would hurry up and get here already..._

"So, who's the final guest?" Madoka asked for the third time, much to Mami's delight. As the blonde tittered at her side with that musical laugh, and Kyoko's fork obnoxiously clanked and scraped against the plate, Sayaka couldn't help feeling a little resentful. This was supposed to be a night where she and Madoka got some Mami time. All to themselves. At least, that's what she'd had in her mind all week.

It wasn't hard to see the pattern that was developing. There was only one other girl in Mitakihara that fit into this exclusive club. Sayaka snorted to herself, glancing at Kyoko shoveling food into her face. _Exclusive, but not at all selective, apparently._

Sure enough, when the doorbell rang at exactly the appointed time, Mami ushered in one Akemi Homura, her long black hair as flat as her personality, her blank face and blank eyes somehow managing to convey how bored and unimpressed she was to be there. Sayaka shot the transfer student a disapproving glance, turning back to look at Kyoko so it wouldn't go to waste. But, turning her head, she saw the redhead had paused, fork halfway to her mouth, and was staring at the black-haired girl with a distinct flavor of malice.

_Maybe she's not so bad,_ Sayaka found herself thinking. Then, Kyoko caught her looking and winked obnoxiously. Unable to tear her gaze away, she saw the older girl grin and bring her plate up, sticking out her tongue and wiggling it suggestively before licking the plate clean.

When Kyoko placed the plate down, pleased with her seductiveness, she didn't realize that a bright red smear of filling stained her nose, or notice the crumbs on her chin. Sayaka snickered, turning back to the other three.

* * *

Homura had been having a rough day. The cramps were absolutely killing her, lower back feeling like someone had buried hot plastic knives in her spine and then snapped them off. She tried to put on a brave face, recognizing the opportunity for what it was: a chance to spend time with Madoka when the girl was among her friends. Relaxed. Off guard.

_Probably would have been better to just take a hot bath_, she thought regretfully. Now that she was here, enduring those annoying looks from Sayaka, responding to the false politeness of Mami… it just seemed like this was going to be a lot of work. She shifted on her seat uncomfortably.

"Homura-chan, are you okay?" the pinkette was asking, looking worried.

Homura gave a pained little smile, which was almost indistinguishable from her regular smile. "I'm quite alright, thank you for asking, Kaname-san."

Mami gave her a long stare.

"What?" Homura felt uneasy, standing under the older girl's scrutiny. The annoying golden stare continued patiently. "Don't worry about it, I'm fine."

Mami shrugged. "Now that we're all here, would anyone care for some refreshment?"

Everyone turned to stare at Kyoko, who'd immediately shouted "ME!"

* * *

"Mami-san, what's this?" Madoka inquired innocently. She'd seen the object beside Mami's bed from the hallway, and was pointing into the blonde's room.

"What?" Mami asked, uncertain for a moment before remembering. _Oh shit!_

"This." Madoka stepped through the doorway, returning with a large cylindrical object held in both hands. It was so heavy and big, longer than her forearm, with what looked like a bulb on one end, and there was something funny about the way it smelled. "It smells funny…"

Sayaka was horrified and just a _little _turned on as she saw what she thought was the largest feminine massager she'd ever seen. _Mami's… in Madoka's hands_… blushing furiously, she didn't know what to do and sat frozen, staring.

"Oh," Mami giggled nervously. "That's…" She trailed off, giving Kyoko a 'help me' glance.

"Her vibrat-OOOFFF-" Kyoko stated before something slammed into her stomach, hard. "-FFFffff_uuuuck_."

"Her what?" Madoka asked, looking first at Mami, who didn't answer, then Homura, who shrugged, and finally Sayaka, whose face was as red as the setting sun. Suddenly, the pinkette felt very uncomfortable holding the strange object. Was it like one of those… things… that her mother had, in the top drawer where Madoka wasn't supposed to look? And that _smell…_

Kyoko had recovered, shooting Mami a dirty look. "It's a water pipe."

"Water… pipe?" Madoka still looked confused.

Homura looked disapproving and dour. "It's a bong, Madoka-chan. The kind of thing stupid people use to get high with drugs-"

"B-but Mami-san, d-drugs are bad!" The pink eyes gazed at the blonde, who looked distinctly awkward.

Kyoko snorted, ignoring the pinkette and staring at Homura challengingly. "Are you kidding? Marijuana is an herb, little girl, get your facts straight."

Madoka rushed to the transfer student's defense. "Everything about Homura-chan is straight!"

While the pinkette was distracted, Homura gave her a longing look. _Not everything_...

"It _is _a drug! It's a controlled substance! It's illegal! Mami-san, how could you-"

"It's not illegal everywhere, Sayaka!" Kyoko retorted.

"Yeah, well neither is murdering someone who slept with your wife. Or murdering your wife, if she slept with someone else. Or, for being-"

"Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah," Kyoko retorted, inappropriately playing the world's smallest violin for Sayaka instead of making the correct hand-blabbing gesture. "Besides, it's only illegal because of some stupid American businessman."

Everyone, even Homura, turned to look at Mami for some kind of response. She nodded in confirmation, adding the qualifier: "That's not the entire story, but…"

"Something about rope," Kyoko seemed to start something, but was actually finishing her comment. She grew uncomfortable when the other's continued staring at her, waiting for her to go on.

"What?" Madoka asked politely. Kyoko frowned. "What about rope?"

"Just… it's probably on the internet. Look it up for yourself, what am I, your cannabis teacher?"

Nobody had a response to that, but Mami was suddenly bombarded with inquiring looks. She just shrugged.

Madoka leaned over to Mami. "What is cannabis?" Mami hid her smile behind a hand. The pinkette was not reassured. It sounded suspiciously similar to _cannibal_.

"Let me introduce you to the sixth guest." Kyoko grinned wickedly as she dug around in her pockets. Setting first a few empty, brightly colored snack bags on the table, she kept digging. A wallet fell onto the glass, opening to reveal the driver's license of an aging man. An assortment of gum wrappers, bottle caps and a broken pencil followed. Finally, with a flourish, she drew out a rather large folding knife. "Hmm," she said, frowning, dropping the blade on the table.

Madoka and Homura continued to stare at the redhead, but Sayaka stared at the table with narrowed eyes. _That wallet was definitely stolen, and was that blood on the knife-?_

"_Here_ we go," Kyoko exclaimed, taking out what appeared to be a narrow tube of plastic. Unrolling the baggie, she shook it before the girls eyes. "Say hello to my good friend, Mary Jane."

Sayaka looked around, as if expecting to see someone else in the room. "Is that… _drugs_?" Madoka asked, looking at Mami with a worried expression.

"Also known as cannabis, weed, marijuana," Mami began, feeling a need to explain herself to the younger girls. "Sometimes, after a long day of fighting witches-"

"And being pissed on by the world," Kyoko added with an encouraging grin.

"Yes, well, it's nice to just sit back and relax…"

"I don't think this was a good idea," Homura stated firmly, looking at the nervous pinkette with concern. Her cramps were getting worse; it felt like something was squeezing her insides. "Madoka-chan, if you want to leave-"

"Oh don't be a baby," Kyoko sneered. "Nobody's making you do anything. In fact, if you want in, you're gonna need to contribute…"

Mami laid a hand on Kyoko's arm. "Don't be silly. But, since the cat's out of the bag… who's interested?"

Nobody except Kyoko raised their hand. "Fine, more for me," Kyoko grinned, opening up the bag.

"Eeew-"

"What is that smell?"

"It's like someone squeezed all of the ugly juice out of a skunk in here." That, of course, was Sayaka.

Mami looked at the other girls in confusion; her own mouth had begun watering the second she smelled the subjectively delicious fragrance. Kyoko smirked. "Yeah, it's the good stuff."

* * *

The five sat around the triangular glass table, two in anticipation, two with nervous unease, while the last held an area just below her stomach with a look of impatience. Kyoko elbowed Mami, nodding at the uncomfortable looking black-haired girl.

"This isn't something I do often," Mami began, ignoring Kyoko's snort. "But, well, when the world is getting especially dark or bleak, it helps me to… refocus. Or, I suppose, unfocus."

"You shouldn't have to do things like… that. Not to feel better. That's what _friends _are for!" The pinkette was almost quivering with passion.

"Does your dad drink?" Madoka shook her head at Kyoko's forceful, rude question. "Your mom?" This time, she had to nod. "Well, some people drink to relieve themselves of the pressures of their lives."

"But that doesn't work!" Madoka cried, having seen firsthand the effects of her mother's indulgence.

"Exactly," Kyoko said knowingly. "Because alcohol makes things worse and makes people stupid, and sometimes violent. Weed just makes you relax and say stupid stuff."

The girls looked at Mami, who shrugged eloquently. She didn't have scientific data to back up her opinions, but from her own experience, it was just as Kyoko said.

"But, it's illegal," Sayaka began again, not able to get past that important fact.

"And drinking isn't. At least, not when you're an adult. But, tell me this. How many people end up dead every year because someone got behind the wheel drunk? How many girls end up getting attacked by some drunk asshole, or drink themselves unconscious and wake up having been violated while they were passed out?"

Everyone, even Mami, was squirming uncomfortably now.

"Now, you might miss a homework assignment, and you might gain a little weight from all the cookies you end up eating, but I have yet to hear of some stoned dude running down a kid in his car, or forcing himself on someone else, or starting a fight." The paused, remembering a certain incident. "Well, I'm not saying that _never _happens, but, it's like what you expect to happen when alcohol is involved. Doesn't that tell you something?"

Homura shook her head. "Your anecdotal evidence is hardly conclusive; there have been decades of scientific study on the effects of alcohol on the human body, and despite the recent 'medicalization' trend of your supposedly harmless marijuana, there have been so few studies-"

"It's great for relieving cramps, too," Mami added craftily.

Homura paused for a full ten seconds while everyone waited in silence. Then she held out her hand. Grinning, Kyoko thrust the object at her.

* * *

Madoka's first thought was that the insidious bubbling of the device sounded sinister. Second, that the smell got worse when the green chunks turned into smoke. Finally, seeing the fit of coughing that overcame Homura, she was happy with her decision not to participate in this particular form of entertainment.

_Someone's gotta be the responsible one,_ she thought, a little proud of herself.

* * *

"So why is there water in this thing?" Sayaka was feeling nervous, trying to buy time. She'd have been proud of the pinkette's refusal, if she herself hadn't been so… well, nervous. And stressed out... this thing looked complicated! She wasn't certain this was a good idea, but with Mami and Kyoko staring at her… she glanced over at Homura, who looked in pain and had continuously been massaging her throat, occasionally wracked by a fit of coughing.

It certainly didn't look fun.

"It, I dunno, cools it down or something. Less harsh than, say, a joint." Sayaka confirmed the redhead's statement with a glance at Mami.

"It also removes some of the particulate matter from the smoke-"

Sayaka wrinkled her nose, looking down into the cylinder. Kyoko began flicking the lighter impatiently. She opened her mouth-

"Your lips go _inside_, dumbass." Kyoko cackled to herself, earning an exasperated look from Mami. "It's not a straw, your _lips _are the straw. Like you're drinking from a lake or something, except you're sucking in air." She frowned. "Or, I guess, smoke." She looked at Mami. "Is smoke air?"

Sayaka tried again, Kyoko holding the flame to the bowl. All the blunette got was a mouthful of stale, unpleasant air and some mysterious wetness on her lips. _Hopefully from the bottom of this thing and not Akemi's saliva_. "You forgot the carb. Put your finger on that hole." Kyoko stopped, grinning viciously. "Yes, put your finger right on that hole and press it. Press it har-Ow! _Dammit_ Mami!"

The blunette jumped headfirst. _If Mami did it, it couldn't be that bad, right?_ It was a good thing she didn't know about the older girl's online videos. She felt disappointed with herself for a moment before she was concentrating entirely on sucking in as much air in as she could. After a few moments, the glass was a solid bar of dark grey cloud, and she lifted her head, blowing out a substantial puff of smoke, coughing at the end. The other girls stared at her as she took in a big breath. _That wasn't so bad_-

"Okay, now you gotta clear it," Kyoko was saying as she removed a long glass tube that held the now-charred stuff at the end. Looking down in confusion, Sayaka saw the forty centimeters of cylinder roiling with dense smoke. She felt someone grab her hand, taking it off the glass. She bent forward, taking one last breath-

A tremendous gout of billowing smoke burst out from her lips, and she turned her head, catching Madoka right in the face. The pinkette waved her hand, clearing her throat delicately and trying to hold her breath. Coughing violently, red-faced, Sayaka barely heard the musical laughter of Mami or Kyoko's braying amusement. It felt like her throat was on fire, seriously, like the smoke had actually burned her, inside. Wiping at her eyes with a sleeve, she leaned back in the couch. She felt someone pat her shoulder, but stared blankly ahead, aware of nothing but the burning in her throat.

"You know what that means?" Kyoko asked Mami, nudging her with an elbow. Mami frowned. "When you blow smoke in someone's face like that? It means you wanna do them."

Mami groaned.

Madoka looked horrified. Sayaka was oblivious, still recovering. "Don't be crass, Kyoko," Mami warned, reaching across to pat the pinkette's knee. The smaller girl gave a little jerk of surprise.

"No, really. It's like, French or something."

"Kyoko, stop."

"Seri-"

"KYOKO. Stop. Thank you."

* * *

T_wenty minutes later._

"This is amazing. This is _amazing_," Homura kept repeating, unaware of the fascinated looks she was getting from Mami and Kyoko. "This is life-changing, the cramps are gone! Everything's _tingly_. I feel amazing. This is _amazing_," she continued, one hand resting below her navel in contentment as she stared at a brightly colored painting hanging on the wall. "That painting is _amazing_..."

Mami had asked the other girl how she'd been faring a minute before. Kyoko had been drawn into the girl's soliloquy like a moth to a flame. The redhead started to giggle, and Mami burst out in laughter. When she said "amazing" for the sixth time, Mami timed it just perfectly, saying it _exactly _the same way, causing HOmura to look up before all three girls burst out into hysterics.

_They sure are enjoying themselves_, Madoka thought. She was trying to feel disapproving, but for some reason couldn't stop _smiling_. She glanced at Sayaka, sitting on the couch with her head tilted back, apparently absorbed in watching the corner of Mami's ceiling. The other three were laughing and gesticulating, and although she was sorely tempted to join them, _someone _had to remain responsible.

She walked over to the kitchen, deciding to take over the duties as hostess. She turned on the oven, two of the coils on the counter top range, then opened the refrigerator door, determined to get dinner going.

After staring for two minutes, Madoka blinked. _What was I doing? _she wondered. Seeing the rows of beverage cans laid out neatly along the bottom shelf, she reached forward. For some reason, her mouth was as parched as a desert.

She needed something sweet. _Not just sweet, but super sweet. Super duper sweet,_ she thought to herself, reaching for the brightest colored sugary beverage she could find, a bottle of cherry soda.

After a minute fumbling with the cap, which, she was now ninety percent certain was _not _a twist off, Madoka put the bottle back into the fridge and grabbed a can of something strawberry. Taking a long swallow, she reveled in the amazing, sparkling flavor. _This is the best drink I've ever drank. Drunk. The best drink I have drunken. Ever. Dranken? Drinked._ Sighing, she set the can down on the counter before crossing the room back toward her friends. There it remained, forgotten, for the rest of the night.

* * *

Inside Miki Sayaka's head, things were finally calming down.

(to the tune of an oddly familiar song: Ooo, oo, oo, ooo oo, ooo oo oo ooo ooo oo ooo, *Don't worry* ooo oo oo ooo ooo oo ooo *be happy* ooo oo oo oo ooo… *Don't worry be happy*).

"Sayaka! Hey hotlips!" Kyoko said loudly, snapping her fingers in front of the blunette's eyes. "Wow, this girl is completely out of it."

Sayaka shook her head, but that made the room sway violently so she stopped. "Lemme 'lone."

"Pfft, you're no fun." Kyoko stood up. "Who's up for some video games?"

"I am," Homura said eagerly. Several heads glanced at her in surprise. Her eyes narrowed. "And I'm so going to kick your ass."

* * *

Roaring, Kyoko threw down her controller. But her heavy-lidded, bloodshot eyes weren't burning with anger, or anything else other than the expected itchiness. She threw her controller down in amazement.

"You got me!" Despite herself, the redhead was impressed by Homura's performance. Old school Street Fighter masters were hard to come by, but the black-haired girl had given her a run for her money. In fact…

"Here," she stated, laying down the 500 yen she'd lost. It was about half of her worldly money, but since she'd only gotten it earlier that day from a wallet someone had conveniently "dropped," she remained philosophical about the loss.

"Thank you," Homura said, snatching the bill and tucking it into a pocket.

A slightly-glaze-eyed pinkette watched from a nearby chair. Standing up, she clapped. "Yay, Homura-chan!"

Kyoko shot Madoka a dirty look, but the girl was oblivious. "Rematch?" the redhead inquired.

"Double or nothing?" responded Homura.

Kyoko frowned. Mami, also catching the exchange, stepped in. "I want a turn," she began, "but let's hook up the Wii-" The redhead groaned. "Come on, it will be fun! It's just sitting around, collecting dust-"

"As long as we don't have to play that stupid Mario party game."

"Which one?" Mami asked innocently. Secretly, she'd been hoping-

"All of them," Kyoko stated with a look of disbelief, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Mami sighed and went to grab the box.

"I want a rematch with Homura-chan." Madoka was talking through giggles. Homura looked at her strangely.

"Madoka, we haven't-" And then the pinkette had bowled her over, colliding full-tilt with the transfer student. "Ahh!" Crashing to the ground, Madoka was suddenly squirming all over the larger girl. "What are… you doing?" Homura muttered, body halfway between resisting the sudden attack and submitting to the girl's embrace.

"I'm good at fighting, too!" Madoka said between clenched teeth, doing her best to pin Homura's arms to her side. Since the black-haired girl didn't resist, it was pretty easy. "There!" she cried triumphantly, maintaining a tenuous hold on the slightly-larger girl. "Submit! Submit!"

Something about the way Madoka was shouting that at her, and the way the smaller girl held her to the ground, was extraordinarily... _interesting _to Homura, and she watched the girl on top of her with wide eyes. "You're gonna submit to me, Akemi Homura-"

Mami had had enough. She lifted the pinkette of Homura, grabbing her underneath the arms. Suddenly, Madoka was squealing and giggling, her feet kicking wildly in the air. The full-figured blonde deposited the girl next to the comatose blunette. Rubbing at her freshly-kicked shin with her other leg, Mami laid her hands on the pinkette's shoulders as she immediately bounced up.

"Whoa, there, just sit down and relax for a minute, Madoka-chan." Mami grinned. "You have to let Akemi-san rest after… _that_."

"I won!" Madoka stated proudly. "Didn't I?" she added with less certainty a moment later.

Mami grinned and shrugged. "Sure. Sure you did."

"And since she beat Kyoko, and I beat her, I'm the greatest!"

"That makes no sense."

Both blonde and pinkette turned to look at Sayaka. "Sayaka-chan!" Madoka began.

"Kyoko would kick your ass," Sayaka muttered, almost to herself. Mami frowned. _What a strange thing to say._

"Are you feeling okay, Sayaka-chan?" Mami was beginning to think the girl wasn't enjoying herself, but the blunette gave a lopsided smile.

"Oh yeah. Very, extra well, thank you. Except, I really need a drink-"

"I'll grab you something," Kyoko called helpfully, whose ears had pricked up at the sound of her own name. She marched over to the kitchen with determination and opened the cupboard next to the freezer.

"Not anything alcoholic," Mami warned sternly, and Kyoko's quest lost all sense of immediacy.

_If she warned her against getting something alcoholic… that means there must be alcohol to warn about. Interesting. I wonder where she got it._ Homura had picked herself up off the floor, and was slowly dusting off her pants. Not that the floor had any dust, it just felt like the thing to do. _What was I just thinking about?_ She paused, hand halfway along her leg. _Something about… hmm. Something about drinks_…? "I'd like a drink too!" Homura shouted toward the kitchen. "Something strawberry." Her mouth was dry, and tasted icky.

"Me three!" cried Madoka. Remembering the black cherry soda, and Kyoko's strong, boy-like arms, she added "Cherry soda please," smirking mischievously.

Mami gave the pinkette a puzzled glance before shaking her head. Some people were affected a little more... strangely than others.

* * *

"I mean, think about it. They basically construct their own realities. It's like, living in a dream or something, but permanently. That you control!"

"I wish I could control my dreams," Madoka thought, envisioning the dark nightmares that sometimes-

"You're an idiot. And stupid. They don't control anything, man, it's like they're caught in their own worst nightmare. And... they kill people." Kyoko crossed her arms, argument over.

"You kill people," Sayaka muttered, drawing the red glare. Mami made a warning noise.

"What was that?" the dangerous veteran asked. That was a _private_ story, as she'd explained to that thick-skulled blunette when she'd told her!

"_You've_ killed people," Sayaka said more firmly, pointing a finger accusingly to underline her statement. Kyoko narrowed her eyes, then shrugged.

"I guess I have."

Homura exploded in hysterics. The other girls looked at her, startled. Or, three heads spun to see what the fuss was about, while the other just continued to stare . "You… two…" she gasped, "so… cute…"Madoka joined the giggling, unable to see Homura laugh so hard without being taken in herself.

Kyoko looked utterly bewildered, Sayaka outraged and disgusted. "What are you talking about, Akemi? You're not making any sense, you high-ass." She tried to hold the purple eyes with her own as she reached for her drink, immediately knocking it over and sending cola washing over the table. "Oh _shit_."

Kyoko roared with laughter and Homura had grown unnaturally silent, her whole body shaking with amusement. "Oh… god… _please… _stop…gonna...pee..." Homura gasped. The cramps were a forgotten memory but her sides were beginning to ache sharply.

Mami stood up and fetched a towel, helping Sayaka clean up the mess. "Who's up for a movie?"

* * *

"Akemi-san, can you blow this out for me?" Mami handed the glass object to Homura, who looked at it quizzically. "The ash, please," Mami explained, pointing toward a potted plant in the corner.

Unwilling to admit her ignorance, Homura considered the problem logically. _Blow it out. Hmm. The ashes needed to be removed from the bowl, so that more stuff could go inside. And the plant? Blow it in there, I guess. Alright. Okay then_. She leaned down, placing her lips on the cylinder, giving a mighty puff.

Instinctively, she'd placed her finger over the small hole that made the chamber airtight. With two important exceptions; where her lips were, and where the bowl was. She watched in amazement as a stream of stinking water erupted out of the pipe, splattering messily on the plant and nearby wall. _Uh oh_. The ashes, at least, had been successfully removed. She took a step back, glancing over her shoulder. Nobody had seen. Carefully, she placed the object back on the table, her nose wrinkling with an overpowering scent that was utterly repulsive.

"Oh god, what _is_ that?" Kyoko cried.

"It smells like bong water," Mami said, instantly worried. "Wow, it's bad," she murmured, standing up. Nothing got out the smell of bong water…

Homura grabbed the box of crackers she'd been munching on and slipped into the bathroom, turning on the fan so she couldn't hear the disgusted exclamations coming from the living room.

* * *

"Since _some_one," Kyoko began, eyeing a black-haired girl suddenly very interested in her shoes, "got everything wet and stunk up the place, we'll have to do something different this time. Let me show you how a real connoisseur appreciates this stuff."

Sayaka rolled her eyes in disbelief. _That girl is so full of hot air. And herself._ Homura gathered herself in an attempt to focus on what the redhead was saying, trying not to look guilty or start laughing. Mami leaned back, realizing it would be a while.

"You girls are so lucky, this is the good shit. You can tell by the smell-"

"It smells terrible," complained Sayaka. "Like a dead, rotting skunk."

"Exactly. Also, notice the little crystals?" She held up a small chunk of green.

"What are those?" Homura asked, curious.

Kyoko didn't exactly know. "Um, flavor crystals?"

Mami chuckled. "It's the, ah, 'active ingredient', you could say. THC. Tetrahydrocannabinol," she clarified. Everyone just stared at her blankly, even Kyoko. "Where it's concentrated, at least."

The silence stretched uncomfortably. "So… another way you know it's good, see all these little red and orange hairs?"

* * *

Sayaka looked at the transfer student in disbelief, aghast at the girl's insatiable gluttony. Shaking her head as the black-haired girl sprayed cracker-crumbs everywhere when Madoka poked her playfully in the side, the blunette turned back to watched Kyoko's long fingers work their magic, separating the little green chunks into a pile of green fluff. A hollowed-out cigar lay on the table, something the self-proclaimed 'expert roller' had made certain that nobody touched.

Kyoko began to pick up some of the stuff, spreading it out on a small square of translucent paper. Nodding to herself, completely absorbed in her task, the redhead efficiently rolled the paper up, her pink tongue darting out to lick one side of the paper before completing her task. Holding the small white object in her hand not unlike a cigarette, she placed it in her mouth and started transferring more of the stuff into the empty cigar, using a pencil to push it down tight.

"Want me to help you get that going?" Homura asked helpfully, nodding at the thing in the older girl's mouth. Kyoko grunted.

"Nah, we'll get two going at once. More fun that way." _Plus_, Kyoko thought to herself, _there's no way you're smoking my shit while I'm busy working_. She relaxed, taking her sweet time.

"Some people can roll their blunts," Mami explained helpfully. "What Kyoko's doing is cheating."

The redhead made a dismissive noise. "I'm not trying to impress anyone," she explained. Sayaka narrowed her eyes, positive the red-head had been doing just that all night.

Kyoko made as if to wipe her fingers on her pants. "Wait!" Sayaka said, laying a hand on the girl's arm. "You're fingers are covered in those crystals, right?" The redhead stopped mid-motion, considering.

"I guess, so?"

"Well, isn't wiping it on your pants just... wasting it?" the blunette asked. It wasn't food, exactly, but...

Kyoko stared at her. "What-"

Sayaka grabbed her hand, and before the older girl could grab it away, she'd stuck it in her mouth. A few licks later, she let the hand fall limply to the redhead's side, feeling color rising to her cheeks as she saw everyone staring at her.

"Well, it would have been a waste!" she tried to explain.

* * *

Homura was getting impatient with Kyoko's latest long-winded story, another one that, of course, revolved around herself. Pausing between mouthfuls of chips, she called out "Let's get this going already." It wasn't that the cramps were back, it was more like she was a little worried that the cramps might start to come back soon. Preventative measures, and all of that.

The past several hours, playing video games, listening to crazy stories and the bizarrely eclectic musical selections of Kyoko and Sayaka, she had been _enjoying _herself. And it wasn't just because the sometimes dull, sometimes sharp aches and pains of earlier had disappeared. Or even that she'd been mauled by Madoka on the floor.

Smiling dully, watching Kyoko spark things up again, she realized the secret to the happiness she had nearly forgotten about. And the secret was…_ the dumber you were, the happier you could be!_

Gone were the infinite number of details swirling through her mind. The worrisome changes, the similar situations that had resulted in negative outcomes she was constantly on guard against. The guilt at her failure, the frustration at this endless quest, the nagging feeling like she was supposed to be getting something important done, _right now at this very moment_… it had all been washed away by the comforting, mildly disorienting buzz that seemed to electrify her brain.

In the back of her mind, she realized that these problems would persist, and that tomorrow she would find it necessary to immerse herself within them yet again. But for now, at this moment, she was enjoying herself, so she didn't care.

"Hey!" she cried. "Puff puff give," she complained, making exaggerated grasping motions with her hand. Sayaka coughed, holding the blunt out blindly as she pressed her mouth into a sleeve. Deftly, timing things just right, Homura avoided a shower of sparks by snatching the burning, pencil-thin tube, sucking at it greedily.

"Hey Madoka, you want in on this?" Kyoko asked slyly. The pinkette was watching next to Homura, more interested than horrified this go around, mainly wishing she had something to drink. _Ah, peer pressure_, thought Kyoko fondly. It didn't work against her, of course, but she could use it against-

"No, I'm good," the pinkette said firmly. "You girls are silly enough already!" She giggled, accepting the blunt Homura handed her. Putting it to her mouth, she took a puff before handing it to a rather stunned-looking Mami. "What?"

"Um…" Sayaka began, but Kyoko used that moment as an excuse to clamp her hand firmly over the blunette's mouth, pressing hard against her deliciously plump lips.

"Shh." She shot the girl a warning glance. "You're sure you don't want any?" Kyoko asked again, lightly, skipping Sayaka and handing the second smoking object to Homura.

Homura took a quick drag. Then another. And one more, for the road. Not that she was going anywhere, but… it just felt right.

Madoka grinned. "No, really. I'm fine, Kyoko-chan." Once again, Homura handed something off to her and, almost unconsciously, she took another puff herself, coughing lightly. Mami had started giggling and dropped the joint as it was passed to her, causing a brief moment of panic with her sudden screech and flapping hands. Laughing and wiping tears from her eyes, Sayaka knew her throat couldn't take any more abuse and waved on the blunt Kyoko passed to her.

"Oh no, not _already_. Come on Sayaka, don't be a bitch-"

"Kyoko!" Mami said with as much force as she could muster through the laziness. "You're the only one acting like a-"

"I'm done, my throat is killing me." Sayaka tried to wave it on again, but Kyoko stared at her expectantly. Then her eyes lit up.

"I know what to do."

Mami felt a quiver of trepidation. "What?"

"Shotgunning." Kyoko's smile was fierce as she turned to the blunette.

"Um… no thanks… what's that?"

"It's so cool," Kyoko said, bouncing in her seat. "All you have to do is breath in."

"What? I don't-" but then Kyoko was crosseyed, taking the biggest breath her aching lungs could manage. Sayaka glanced around, confused.

"Hey, she took two turns," Homura muttered mutinously, looking at the blonde across from her for support.

"Well, she brought it, Akemi-san," she answered shortly, before looking at the blunette across from her. "Get ready," she said, almost apologetically.

"What do you-" And then Kyoko's face was bent in front of her own, incredibly close, and she found her head sinking back into the couch. Astoundingly, Kyoko's face was following her, and when she had retreated as far as the cushion allowed the older girl pressed her lips against her own, parting them slightly-

Sayaka gasped, and a blast of smoke rushed through her mouth, down her throat, into her lungs. It felt both incredibly strange and terribly intimate, sharing breath like that. She pushed the redhead off several seconds later, wondering why she hadn't thought to do that immediately and blaming the weed for her slow reaction time. _It must have been that_, she considered, a new fit of coughing wracking her body as she clutched her chest.

Kyoko's face was flushed with victory, or something. She passed it along to Homura, who'd been waiting mellowly and patiently. _It will get here when it gets here,_ she acknowledged, watching the antics of the two girls. _Red and blue. Primary colors, hmmm. Mami's yellow, too, then. Something about those three. Maybe significant. But purple is a mix of red and blue, and pink is… hmm. Pink is like a whitish red. Right? Rightish red. Wait. So if Madoka's pink… but black is no color. Is it our eyes, or our hair? Or, maybe the clothes? But… the clothes we wear usually match our eyes. Or our hair. So, back to square one. Black, the color of emptiness. Am I empty? My stomach is empty. Man, I'm hungry. Starving!_

But then something was being passed her way again and she decided that, in the grand scheme of things, a snack could wait.

* * *

Something smelled funny. Madoka had long gotten used to the _particular_ funny smell that would remind her of this night for years to come. What _this_ smelled like was… burning. Or cooking. But, possibly, something was on fire. She had to warn everyone, and find out what was going on.

Standing up to let everyone know about the potential danger, her eyes focused in like lasers on a half-drunk bottle of cherry soda. She crossed the room. "Is this anyone's?" she asked. Nobody responded, so she shrugged, taking it to the kitchen to dump it out in the sink. It seemed an awful waste.

Setting the bottle down, she realized a few things in quick succession. Something was incredibly hot, burning even, on the counter where she'd set the glass. There was a strong smell, like something burning. And also, the oven was on.

"Did someone turn the oven on?" Madoka asked, slightly accusing as she added "Or the range?"

"Huh?" "What?" "I'm not cooking tonight."

"Well, someone left the oven on. _And _the range. I almost burned myself!" _Whew_! she thought, patting herself on the back. _I might have just saved all of our lives! _"You should really be careful," she finished reproachfully.

"Who?" asked Sayaka.

"Who? What?" Madoka was confused.

"Who should be careful?"

"_Who…_ ever left the oven on!" Madoka cried.

"It wasn't me," Sayaka claimed. She couldn't be one hundred percent certain of everything that had happened in the past few hours, but she'd never turned on an oven before, why would she have begun now?

"Wasn't me," muttered Homura dreamily, staring intently at a potted plant.

"Not it," murmured Kyoko through clenched teeth, her whole body moving to the turns of Mario Kart.

"I… _might _have left it on," Mami conceded, not thinking it likely, but possible. Secretly, she suspected Kyoko had done it so that she would feel compelled to make another cake. Which, truthfully, she kind of was. The oven was already preheated, after all...

_Greetings, Akemi Homura/Tomoe Mami/Miki Sayaka/Sakura Kyoko/Kaname Madoka._ Each girl heard her own voice as the creatures thoughts penetrated their minds.

"Kyubey?" Mami called, before Madoka spun in place, staring around in wide-eyed fright.

"What the shit was that?" Sayaka immediately burst out into giggles with Homura.

"Relax, pinky, it ain't the fuzz," Kyoko drawled, standing up and walking over to a window.

_May I inquire about what you are doing? Sakura-san, you may open the door, I'm right outside-_

Kyoko opened up the window with an arrogant smirk. "If you want in, you'll come in through the window."

The space-cat carefully masked its initial reaction, which was something along the lines of _Well, I never_. With the agility of a small animal it closely resembled, the white creature hurtled into the room, the window slamming shut mere centimeters from the tip of its tail. Kyoko hid her mouth behind her hand in an obvious attempt to keep a smile from being seen.

Looking around curiously at the dull, slumped postures of some of the most tightly-wound girls he'd ever had the pleasure of converting, Kyubey's smile remained the same. Because it had to. _It is, for some reason, more difficult than usual to communicate with you tonight. Has anything special occurred?_ It paused, and then, receiving not immediate answer, continued. _What is that powerful and distinct odor coming from this room? And the even more powerful odor coming from that plant over there?_

"Your butt," Madoka said, then hid her hands in her face as her shoulders shook. Sayaka, Homura and Mami exchanged startled glances before joining the small girl in uproarious laughter. Kyoko had started laughing as soon as the pinkette said it.

_This is highly unusual,_ Kyubey thought. Aloud, as it were. _Some of your comments defy my attempts to understand them, and your responses are sluggish. I am aware of Sakura-san's lack of mental acuity, but the rest of you seem to have been infected by whatever-_

"Oh shut up," said Kyoko, pretty sure she'd just been insulted. "It's our night off."

_Night off?_ Kyubey inquired politely. _May I remind you that there are currently fifteen_-

"No thanks," yawned Kyoko.

"Just give us a break, man," muttered Sayaka. Kyoko held out a fist, and the blunette bumped it with her own in a brief flash of solidarity.

"You may join us, if you want, Kyubey," Mami offered out of obligation. Even intergalactic avatars of hive-minded, wish-granting aliens deserved to be treated courteously. If you thought about it, as Mami had, it seemed like a good idea to be _extra _courteous when dealing with them, just in case. "We'll be back on the job tomorrow."

This would be a good opportunity to observe them in their natural habitat, the creature thought to itself. Aloud, or, well, kind of, it said, _I accept your generous offer, Tomoe-san. What is it, exactly, that you are doing?_

* * *

**Credit: inspired by the CaptainFirePower story Puella Magi Pot Circle. Check it out.**

**Don't do drugs. At least not bad ones. Which most of them are! Or, maybe, all of them, to varying degrees. But then you gotta include coffee, and maybe even processed sugar, so... yeah. Any preceding 'arguments' in favor or against anything are purely, um, hypothetical. Do your own research if you have strong opinions one way or the other: like almost everything, there's a plethora if information out there specifically designed to support your side of the argument.**

**Not exactly wrapped up, obviously. Let me know if you have any thoughts as to what you'd like to see.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: A Blunted Mission

* * *

"It's good to see you, Kyubey!" Madoka grinned, petting the white space-cat firmly. Her mother didn't like animals, but Madoka had always, always wanted a kitty. Or a pony. Either would have been _exactly _what she needed. "You're so adorable, and you're fur is _soooo _soft!" Again she stroked the creature, enjoying the feel of it's velvety fur between her tiny fingers. "Have I ever told you that before?"

_Yes it is and yes you have._ Kyubey struggled to free itself from its position under the pinkette's arm. Madoka held on even tighter, worried about dropping the fuzzy creature. Its long ears waved helplessly as the petite girl continued to pet it, harder and faster.

Petting was good. It built trust, an important commodity for an Incubator. Kyubey reminded itself of this as it endured the girl's surprisingly forceful pressure.

Still, when Madoka began to sit down, her grip loosened and the creature was out of her grip and across the floor in the blink of an eye. _Are you going to let me know what you're up to? _Kyubey projected, slinking behind Mami's chair as the pinkette took a step toward it.

"Even better, we'll show you. Come on up, Kyubey." Kyoko patted the couch cushion next to her enticingly. "Promise I won't bite," she assured, displaying her sharp canines in a way that gave Madoka the shivers as she sat back down, disappointed.

Beady pink eyes stared for a moment as the creature's advanced intellect analyzed the situation. Sitting next to a human was a sign of acceptance, and by extension trust. Kyubey had been heavily conditioned to affirm and strengthen such feelings in the girls it worked with, since trust made the process so much easier and more efficient, especially when setting up the final energy harvest.

Also, proximity led to petting, which further increased the strange emotional bonds that these creatures mysteriously developed through proximity and physical contact. Its bushy, fox-like tail swished through the air twice. Sakura Kyoko wasn't one to show affection under normal circumstances. Subtle analysis determined that the opportunity was too good to pass up. The redhead was typically unpredictable and difficult to manipulate.

Never the less, Kyubey had grave concerns sitting next to the veteran. It had replacements, of course, but the process of death was never entirely painless.

Finally, unable to resist, Kyubey hopped up onto the couch in a spry leap, turning around twice before sitting down. Behavioral camouflage, as were so many of its mannerisms. Resting its tail over the harmless-looking paws, the incubator gazed around the room expectantly.

_Lots of potential in this room,_ it acknowledged privately. These five girls, a miniscule, insignificant fraction of the girls it had successfully converted on its centuries-long deep-cover mission, would account for a not-insignificant portion of the energy it had produced over its entire career.

The pink eyes continued to stare glossily, the reserved smile unwavering. _What is it you want to show me?_

Smiling, Kyoko stood up. "Let me go get it quick. No spot jacks," she warned, looking at Sayaka and Homura, then shooting a long, hard stare at Mami before heading toward the back of the apartment, disappearing into the blonde's room.

* * *

Kyoko walked out of Mami's room a minute later, carrying some things, including the large glass water pipe, in the blonde's clothes hamper. Mami frowned as she saw this, imagining, quite accurately, every piece of her laundry scattered messily across her floor. The redhead, expecting this, caught her eye and winked.

_Is that where the odor is emanating from?_ Kyubey asked, standing up warily as Kyoko flopped down next it on the couch. Setting the basket on the floor at her feet, she removed the device carefully, placing it on the table. Next came a box of something, and then some random clothing that happened to still be in the hamper.

Tiger-like, Kyoko sprung.

_What is the meaning of this? _Kyubey asked, its voice ringing obnoxiously high within the girls' minds. Laughing, the redhead rested an arm on top of the overturned laundry basket, watching her prisoner through the gaps between the plastic mesh. Seeing the paws futilely press against the makeshift cage was almost too much, and in her hysterics Kyoko nearly fell off the couch. Madoka was staring, wide eyed and uncertain what was going on. Sayaka felt a little bad for the creature, knowing firsthand how roughly the veteran could treat those she'd taken prisoner.

"Madoka, come sit on top," Kyoko urged, but the pinkette shook her head. The redhead frowned, looking at Mami, then Sayaka. "You two got too much meat on you; you'd crush this thing for sure." At the moment she didn't even remember Homura was there.

"I'm not sitting on an overturned laundry basket, anyway," Mami declared firmly, crossing arms underneath her generous chest. "Not in my own house. And I will not participate in anything that resembles kidnapping." She did her best to ignore the adoring azure gaze that washed over her, feeling uncomfortably warm all of a sudden.

"Calm down, you know we're not gonna hurt him."

"We're not?" Everyone turned to look at Homura, whose bloodshot, bleary eyes stared at the white creature in disappointment. The transfer student lost interest and went back to what she was doing before: sitting in a chair.

Kyubey was confident it could have gotten free, but that would necessitate letting the girls know some of the things it was capable of. And it had been very, very careful to maintain the innocent/benevolent/emotionless space-cat persona. Instead, going with the dignified route, it sat down on it's hind paws, cocking its head to the side. _I still do not understand what you are doing. Are you afraid of my interference in your activities, Sakura Kyoko? If so, let me assure you I have no interest in doing so, I am merely here to observe_. The fox-like ball of fur flicked its tail from underneath the clothes hamper, almost irritably.

Kyoko paid the thing no heed, glancing around the room. "I need something heavy," she thought aloud, and Kyubey sighed to itself. It was pointless to speculate; there was no way of knowing what the erratic girl was up to. It was one of those situations where only time would tell. It sat back, waiting patiently and watching every detail.

* * *

Eying her prisoner in its makeshift cage, Kyoko got up and fiddled with Mami's laptop. Looking satisfied with herself, she went to sit down again, but froze after a few steps. "I can't hear it."

Mami looked up, looking exceptionally patient. "Kyoko, remember you have to plug the speakers in, first. And turn them on…" She sighed as the redhead shot her a dirty look before staring down at the cords in confusion.

"There's too many, this is too confusing. Why do you have all these cords? What do they even do?" Kyoko's voice had increased in volume in direct correlation to her sense of helplessness. She didn't relax until Mami stood up and approached. "_Finally_. Fix it," she muttered, heading back to her seat.

"Oh no," Mami said firmly, grabbing onto Kyoko's arm. "You're going to learn this, right now, so you never have to ask me again. That's like the hundredth time!" Madoka, Homura and Sayaka exchanged glances. Apparently these two hung out together quite often. "And there are three cords, Kyoko, which shouldn't be too many. Even for someone with a first grade level of education," she prodded at one of the girl's many weak points. Someone gasped. "One of them is the _power cord_," she explained exaggeratedly. "So the battery doesn't die. Remember how you unplugged it and lost my essay-"

"Not my fault you don't save your stuff," Kyoko said shortly, drawing a flat look of golden ire.

"_This_ one," the blonde continued, "goes to the speakers. See how the cord connects between those speaker-looking things and the computer?" Her innocent tone was a barely maintained pretense by this point, and Sayaka couldn't help snickering to herself.

Homura looked around, twisting in her chair. It was like she could hear an eerie droning coming from everywhere at once. Suddenly, the sound was a guitar thrumming in a crescendoing buildup, and then the bass kicked in-

_~I like to dream_~

Kyoko was swaying her shoulders to the song as she leaned over the water pipe, starting things up. Sayaka watched her, oblivious of Madoka's similar stare. Mami circumspectly leaned over, turning the volume down incrementally.

Sayaka leaned forward as Kyoko straightened, almost making the redhead choke from the sudden proximity. "I… my throat still hurts…" the blunette began, and the older girl stared at her in confusion. "So… maybe you can… do that thing again?" Kyoko, reaching her limit, allowed herself a smile as she bent towards the blue-haired trollop she'd begun to corrupt.

_~Well... you don't know what… we can find~_

Homura ignored the two girls on the couch who appeared to be making out, leaning forward to grab the object.

_~Why don't you come with me little girl… on a magic carpet ride~_

_Hmm_, she thought to herself, lighting the thing up like she'd seen the redhead and sucking a huge quantity of smoke up into the glass tube. _Song's kind of creepy, _she considered while clearing the chamber in one great intake of breath.

~_You don't know what_~

"Hey," Kyoko coughed, tapping Homura on the shoulder. Little puffs of smoke were being expelled from between her lips as the transfer student struggled to keep herself from erupting. "Blow it there," the redhead insisted, pointing at Sayaka. Shaking her head, Homura frowned, but then Kyoko had pushed the blunette off the couch.

"Hey!" a voice complained from the floor.

_Oh, I see._ Homura leaned over, blowing everything she had into the overturned laundry basket currently serving as Kyubey's kennel.

If it had possessed the required physiology, Kyubey would have wrinkled its nose. _Very amusing_, it began, then abruptly began coughing cutely.

~_Why don't you tell your dreams to me. Fantasy will set you free_~

_Definitely creepy._ The black-haired girl finished exhaling in a tremendous series of coughs, her watering eyes missing the white-furred creature cringe as it felt the girl's spittle rain down.

~_Close your eyes girl, look inside girl~_

Woozily, Akemi Homura thought that sounded like fantastic advice, leaning her head back into the cushion heavily.

_~Let the sound take you awaaaay!_~

"I want to try this time," Madoka declared, grabbing the heavy object with both hands. "But… could someone help me like Kyoko-chan was?" She asked humbly, head down, but her eyes were watching Homura craftily. After a few moments, however, it became obvious that the girl was not moving.

"I'll 'help' you, Madoka-chan," Mami said agreeably, taking the bong out of Madoka's slender hands. "We don't need to touch, or anything, either. You just breathe in when I blow it at you."

It took a moment for Sayaka to comprehend what Mami was saying. "Wait, you don't need to ki-... touch?" She glanced at Kyoko, who was looking back with exaggerated curiosity and innocence. "You jerk!"

Madoka leaned forward as Mami prepared herself, listening to the strange, soothing bubbling. Holding up a finger, the blonde let the smoke linger inside of her for a few moments before motioning to the pinkette. Madoka, intent on what she was doing, leaned even further, puckering her lips and opening her mouth just a little bit. As Mami turned her head, golden curls bouncing enticingly, framing the curves of her chest, the pinkette darted forward, pressing her lips firmly against the older girl's, just as she'd seen Kyoko and Sayaka do it, and sucked in as hard as she could.

Blushing, Mami pulled back after a few moments with a delicate cough into a fist. "Or, we could do it _that _way." Madoka got up, rather unsteadily, and lurched over to Kyubey, watching in fascination as the blast of smoke shot out of her to engulf its cage.

Sayaka and Kyoko cheered, and the pinkette curtseyed, promptly falling backwards flat on her ass. The girls cheering continued, even louder and slightly hysterical.

* * *

Two trips around the circle later, everyone was feeling comfortably lazy, staring at Kyubey. The creature's whole body, from both sets of ears to its foxlike tail, hung limply.

_You humans, _Kyubey said. The girls waited patiently as the creature began cleaning its muzzle with a paw. It looked up. _You humans,_ it began, before glancing sharply at the door. Mami looked at Kyoko, who was looking at Sayaka out of the corner of her eyes. Sayaka and Madoka had their hands over their mouths, stifling giggles.

"What, Kyubey?" Mami prodded.

_You humans. Some of the things you do make no sense to me. What is it about spatial proximity that increases your emotional investment in one another? There are billions of humans on this planet, hundreds of millions of girls who are essentially no different from you. Why do you feel no connection to those people, even though they have just as much in common with you as someone like that Hitomi girl? Does it have something to do with your limited perceptive capacity? Or perhaps the solitary, disconnected form of sentience your unremarkable race has developed through the strange evolutions of this rather boring planet?_

Five pairs of eyes stared at it blankly. "What is he talking about?" Sayaka whispered. Madoka shrugged, her fingers clenching unconsciously as she thought about running them through that soft fur again. _You won't get away this time!_ Madoka's thought was so powerful that Kyubey leapt up, twisting in a half circle before it landed facing the pinkette.

It stared, eyes a deep, burning red. The girls stared back, a veritable rainbow of irises, heavy-lidded and bloodshot.

_What were we talking about?_ Kyubey asked, puzzled. Kyoko laughed.

"Your butt!" Madoka cried, and everyone was laughing like it was the funniest fucking thing they'd ever heard.

Except the incubator. The internal diagnostics were revealing some troubling findings. The data cache of the past few minutes was surprisingly vague and incomplete. Almost corrupted-

"Gotcha!" Madoka cheered as she scooped up the cat-like creature with all her might.

* * *

Something was wrong. Warily, Kyubey turned its head a fraction. _There it is!_ Seeing the white shape dart out of its field of view, the incubator leapt up, spinning around and trying to catch the thing that kept running around behind it.

It looked down at its paws. _Nothing_.

_There it was again!_ Springing high, the white space-cat spun around and around, chasing the elusive flash of white that had been pestering it for the past several minutes. But once again, it's opponent had succeeded at staying just beyond the incubator's grasp.

Madoka giggled, the sound like wind chimes, almost musical, compared to Kyoko's barking laughter. Sayaka watched, fascinated, as Kyubey continued to chase its tail.

* * *

Sayaka yawned.

"Oh no you don't," Kyoko said, instantly in the blunette's face. Backing away, Sayaka yawned again.

"Sorry, just *yaaawn*... just getting tired."

Catching herself starting to yawn, the redhead clamped her mouth shut and held her breath. _This won't do at all_. She had to think fast. Failing to consider caffeine, her mind settled immediately on her old standby.

_Slap!_

Every head in the room turned toward the distinctive sound of hand meeting face as Kyoko danced away from the red-cheeked blunette who blinked, twice, before charging the older girl. Laughing maniacally, Kyoko barely avoided the girl's surprising quick hands, shedding her unzipped hoodie like some bizarre reptilian defense mechanism. Kyoko pranced away, more than happy to show off her bare shoulders and well-toned arms. Sayaka came to a stop, staring at the green jacket as the other girl kept running. It was iconic, almost; something as _Kyoko _as that wild, red mane of hair or her crazy-sharp teeth. It was like she was holding a piece of the girl in her hands.

"This is getting flushed down the toilet," she stated, turning towards the bathroom.

Kyoko abruptly reversed course. "Nooooo!" But Sayaka was already slamming the bathroom door shut. The redhead rammed into it loudly-

"Kyoko, so help me if you break that door again-"

"Mami!" the veteran whined, her voice uncharacteristically high. "She's flushing my special sweatshirt-"

_Flooooshhhhhhh_.

"NOOOO!" Kyoko stepped back, ready to shoulder the door right off its hinges. After all, she'd done it before. But this time, Mami wasn't on the other side… she was standing right next to her.

"Kyoko, _no_." The full-figured blonde leaned past her friend, rapping gently on the bathroom door.

"Occupied," someone giggled from inside.

_Floooooshhhhhhh_.

"AAHHH! No! No! No!" Kyoko struggled against the blonde's tenacious grip, twisting like a cat. "Don't you dare, Miki Sayaka! Don't you da-"

_Flooooooshhhhhh_.

Madoka tried to exchange a nervous glance with Homura, but the black-haired girl was watching with the floor in fascination. Looking down, the pinkette was astounded to see Kyubey rolling on it's back. It would roll one way first, stopping, then roll back the other way. Back and forth, over and over, the white space-cat rolled across the carpet. "K-Kyubey, are you… okay?" Its soft fur was starting to look distinctly frazzled.

_Never better, literally, since I am incapable of ever being subjectively 'better' or 'worse' than I am in my current state_, came a calm, emotionless voice from inside her head. _Why do you ask?_

"No reason," Madoka assured, watching the creature continue its compulsive rolling.

_Flooooooshhhhh_.

Kyoko had collapsed on the floor, looking like she was weeping or something. Mami knew exactly what the redhead was up to the second she'd gone boneless on her. Sakura Kyoko never, ever just _went limp_. Except under very specific, and wildly different, circumstances. "Don't even _think _about it," the looming blonde stated, leaning her head around her obstructive chest to look down at the feigning girl. Placing a foot on top of the redhead's, Mami pressed down hard. "Alright, Miki-san, _that _is _enough_!"

Sayaka opened the door, Mami's stern tone of voice announcing that the fun was over. Hangdog, the blunette walked back towards the living room. Mami stumbled as the redhead jerked away, lunging into the bathroom with a desperate expression. Frowning, the blonde took a deep breath. _If Sayaka had clogged her toilet_-

There, in the toilet, was… nothing. "It's gone," Kyoko wailed. On the couch, Sayaka leaned back, grinning widely. Madoka looked at the blunette, and it was like seeing a stranger. She turned back to watch Kyubey, who had stopped moving and sat motionless, shoulders tensed. Suddenly, its head snapped around, whipping its long ears behind as it seemed to stare intently at something.

Frown deepening, Mami stared. The jacket had been threadbare and ratty, but there's no way it could have fit down the-

"If you're wondering how it fit down the toilet," a voice called from the living room, "I ripped it into pieces first!" When Sayaka had shouted, Homura and Madoka burst into giggles as they watched the small white creature leap what was easily a meter into the air as her voice startled it.

Mami and Kyoko weren't able to see Sayaka's uncontainable grin, or that she'd clamped both hands over her mouth to keep from laughing. "What's going on?" Madoka asked breathlessly, trying to contain the amusement she felt at her little cat friend's behavior. "Did you really…?"

Sayaka shook her head, still unable to speak for fear of letting the laughter loose. _What kind of idiot flushes a shirt down a toilet?_ she wondered. _The kind they must think I am, I guess._ She tried to control the funny noises coming from between her lips, but it was just too much.

Sayaka couldn't see Kyoko's expression; if she had, she may not have remained amused at the situation. "I'll kill her," the crimson-haired girl vowed, eyes blazing.

"No you won't," Mami corrected.

"No." Kyoko's eyes were suddenly sad; Mami didn't know if she was thinking about the jacket, or disappointed in herself for not being able to follow through with the violence. Kyoko was complicated that way. "I know. But… _man_. That jacket… it was like a friend."

Mami sighed quietly. _Maybe this wasn't so bad._ She knew how much the old thing meant to her friend, but at the same time, she'd been trying to get her to go out shopping for _so _long… "We'll need to replace it," she began indelicately, thinking of the places she needed to visit.

"Goodbye, old friend," Kyoko said, sniffing, as she stared at the toilet bowl. "You were… a faithful… companion."

"There are a few places in the mall we could try-"

"It's behind the towels, dumbass!" This pronouncement was followed by the laughter of a single girl out in the main area. Mami immediately found the green shirt against the wall, stuffed behind the hanging towels. It was even fairly obvious, what with the lumpiness and the way she could see there was clearly something stuffed behind the towel. _Wonder how I missed that?_

"You're back!" Kyoko crowed gleefully, spinning in a circle. Mami took a step back, sputtering when the long red ponytail _whap_'d her right in the face. Slipping her jacket on again and zipping it up, Kyoko vowed never to take it off again. "Not even to wash," she muttered to herself.

"Oh yes you will," said the blonde, straightening her drill-curls. She knew the other girl well enough to have understood the train of thought that had led to such a statement. "It's bad enough the way it looks, Kyoko. I will not tolerate it stinking up my place with your B.O.-"

"I do not smell!" insisted Kyoko, casually raising an arm in a fake stretch and bending her neck to glance at her shoes. *_Sniff_*

"Nice." Mami rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Maybe that's true; maybe _that's _the problem. You don't smell yourself, sometimes."

Kyoko frowned thoughtfully. "Is that why you're always making me… take baths?" She finished decidedly more flushed than she'd begun.

"Well, as to that…" Mami's cheeks colored a bit as well, and she turned toward the door with impressive haste. "Let's go join our company."

* * *

"Thanks for _not _ripping up my favorite shirt and flushing it down the toilet," Kyoko said, half-mockingly. In truth, she _was_ rather happy she didn't have to murder the girl.

Sayaka looked up, uncertain of the redhead's tone. "Thank _you _for not…" Her snappy response died on her lips, unable to think of anything good. After a few moments Mami cleared her throat. Everyone turned to look at her, but she just shrugged and looked at Sayaka expectantly.

The others followed her eyes back to Sayaka. "Um… Mario Kart, anyone?"

* * *

Mami shook her head sadly, watching Princess Peach pull away from the rest of the pack. She glanced down at the corner of the screen, watching Homura's mushroom guy bang repeatedly into a wall. The sight was so funny, she nearly missed a critical turn, cursing under her breath.

Someone else had noticed the transfer student's situation. "Homura-chan, you're not going anywhere!" Madoka cried, watching from over her shoulder. The girl she addressed squinted, leaning forward: the whole screen was so colorful, leaping out at her in confusing patterns and shades. Her sense of depth perception was completely wacked. _Or perhaps it's just my ability to perceive the illusion of depth on a two dimensional plane,_ she wondered.

"I'm fine, no, actually, _you _play," Homura said, changing her mind mid-sentence. She thrust the controller behind her, wiggling it up and down when it wasn't immediately taken out of her hand.

"Oh, um, okay." Madoka took the controller, then proceeded to sit down on top of Homura, who looked up at her dumbly. "Scootch," the pinkette demanded absently, and the black-haired girl pressed herself against the arm of the chair. Even though Madoka was small and Homura was thin, it was still a tight fit. Just like she'd imagined it. Looking around, Homura didn't see anything to eat, but the kitchen seemed impossibly far away. Settling in and stretching exaggeratedly, the black-haired girl let her arm drop behind the pinkette, resting it along her shoulders.

The exchange of the controller had not gone unnoticed. Ever the opportunist, Kyoko slowed down, hurling green shell after green shell at the unmoving mushroom driver. Cackling with glee, she watched Homura's guy get knocked around violently as King Koopa raced away making his own obnoxious laugh.

"Hey!" Madoka cried, shrugging off the annoying weight on her shoulders. "That wasn't nice."

"She wasn't ready, you ass," Sayaka stated, fuming at Kyoko's meanness. "Where's your sense of fair play?" A second later, her controller went flying out of her hands, and cursing loudly, she scrambled to pick it up. "You fucking jerk!" Kyoko laughed even harder.

"Sayaka-chan!" Madoka cried, scandalized.

Mami shrugged, ignoring the drama unfolding and concentrating on the game. "Play to win," she said, lapping what was now Madoka's struggling racer for the second and final time and pulling ahead of the now-unarmed Kyoko.

"You shouldn't have done that," Sayaka muttered vengefully, glad she'd held on to her triple set of heat-seeking turtle shells. As she passed one of the computer racers, finding herself in third, she looked up and saw Kyoko was currently in second place. "Suck on this!"

Mami grimaced as Bowser slammed into Peach, barely recovering before spinning out. _You are not going to win this one, Kohai,_ she thought grimly at her old friend. Giving her head a shake to make her curls bounce, the blonde leaned forward, concentrating on catching up to the redhead.

Just then, one, two, then three different red shells slammed into her in quick succession, and she spun far off the track. "What the hell?" she blurted out, caught up in the intensity of the moment.

_Oh no! _Sayaka wanted to apologize, but also didn't want Mami to know she'd just shot her three times right up the tailpipe. She zoomed past the stricken princess, hoping for a good item and wincing as Kyoko praised her shot. "Smart, taking out Mami when she's helpless like that. That's what I like about you best, Sayaka. How cold-blooded you are. I get first, you get second; it's a win-win. Except, of course, I'm the only one that _really _wins-"

"Shut up already," Sayaka muttered through clenched teeth. _Worthless bombs and banana peels_.

"Madoka-chan," Homura whispered from maybe a centimeter away from the pinkette's ear. Madoka was startled, jerking away. "That cloud is telling you that you're going the wrong way." The girl didn't respond, concentrating entirely on the game.

Mami sighed, the thrill of victory once again snatched from her fingertips. Kyoko was approaching the finish line, Sayaka had gotten some lousy banana peels, and Madoka was going the wrong way, and only had a stupid mushroom. Mami liked Kyoko, liked her a lot, but sometimes the girl could be a little… much. One of those times was whenever she won at something.

As Kyoko took the final turn expertly, she grinned confidently. "Once again, defeating all of the other, more pathetic challengers, our hero Sakura Kyoko wins-"

The little mushroom man, traveling in the wrong direction and trailing lines of zooming speed, slammed into King Koopa head-on, knocking Kyoko into a spin. "Hey, what the hell?!" Madoka laughed in triumph as Sayaka zoomed by, cheering at her imminent victory and leaving a trail of banana peels for the redhead when she got back on the road. "That is _so _not fair!" Kyoko yelled at Madoka while keeping her eyes on the screen. "You can't… _sabotage_!"

Mami grinned, seeing Kyoko's car still in the process of turning around as her own Princess Peach took the final turn at nearly full speed, happy to have beaten the redhead more than anything. She didn't see the trail of yellow peels until it was too late, sliding into one, then another, a chain reaction of multiple spin outs that left her stranded on the side of the road as Kyoko raced in, managing a 3rd. Mami placed 6th.

Madoka continued to drive around for a little while until everyone else had finished and the race ended. Her rank was 8th, but hitting Kyoko like that made her feel like she'd won. Sayaka gave her a cheerful high-five, but the redhead was looking at her through heavy-lidded eyes.

* * *

**Hope you at least chuckled once or twice. Let me know if you feel like it. If you have any ideas about things you'd like to see, and would like more, I'd be ever so grateful for ideas. I'm slightly tapped out at the moment.**

**Otherwise; they all go to sleep.**


End file.
